Written by: Ngamegbulam Chidozie Stephen
Relationships leading to a successful marriage shouldn’t be determined by where one comes or originated from. No, it shouldn’t so be the case at all in this current generation.
At times, ignorance is not only when one decides to do the wrong thing out of not having the knowledge. To me, ignorance is when someone or some categories of people with a certain pattern of lifestyle and mentality gather a certain mindset about things they are qualified to talk about such as ‘marriage’ issues.
I am an Igbo man, in fact, the word ‘Igbo’ ran through my vein, and fortunately, like the majority of other successful Igbo citizens across the world I see marriage as totally different from my nationality, tribe, or if you like ethnicity.
As for me, I married a Ghanaian woman, and I can confidently tell you, my wife is the kind of woman I dreamed of, very kind, respectful, loyal, fruitful and supportive. In fact, she is everything a man needs as a partner and I have stayed with her for over 10 years in peace and harmony.
But you see, lack of knowledge indeed is an evil that leads us to deep ignorance and this has led a lot of people who should understand better especially Men of God, counselors, businessmen to what I normally describe as a ‘marriage disaster’, it has caused more homes scattered, it has destroyed a lot of happiness as far as marriage is concerned.
It is wrong to programmed people’s minds in a tribal manner. That is so dangerous for us as a people. Why must one travel back home just to marry? No, that is an error. So, whether you know the person’s attitude or not, just because the person is from your village, tribe, or country, she is qualified to be your wife? My brothers and sisters, please shine your eye, marriage is not a child’s play.
WHO IS A GHANAIAN WOMAN AND WHO IS A NIGERIAN WOMAN IN THE EYE OF OUR CREATOR WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE? WAS GOD TRIBALISTIC DURING HIS CREATION OF A WOMAN CALLED EVE? WHY DIDN’T GOD CREATE MORE WOMEN ATTACHED TO ADAM?
From my little knowledge as a Christian and God’s disciple, women are created the same and equal across the whole wide world, and they are having all the qualities that describe a ‘woman’ across the board. A Ghana woman is not created differently from a Nigerian woman or a woman in America, they all enjoy the same qualities of God’s creation.
I think the earlier people remove the mentality of deceiving themselves in the name of going back to their tribe, village, or country to marry the better. Unfortunately, my Igbo brothers see some of these unnecessary attitudes as a ‘world cup’. When you sit with them and they are making such pronouncements, just know that the person’s mental health needs some urgent attention. Because is an error for a normal person to reason in that manner.
I know a story of an Igbo man who also came and fortunately met a Nigerian woman in Ghana, after getting married, in fact, I was informed their wedding was one of the best in the history of Bolgatanga in the Upper East Region of Ghana. But the Nigerian woman misbehaved and the marriage became a disaster till today. Is she not also Nigeria Woman?
Mostly, their fear of my Igbo brothers is that the Ghanaian women don’t like following them home to see their parents in Nigeria. All these are fallacies and lies because I didn’t experience such qualities in my incomparable Ghanaian partner. She followed me home and spent over a month with me and my parents before we returned to Ghana and even as I write today, she is still singing it as a chorus to me each blessed day that she missed Nigeria and my widow mum.
Some time ago, I used to be in a certain association, and in that association a particular man who sees himself as the ‘Mugabe’ of the association then, made it a mandatory to inform any new member joining the association to travel back home to marriage because to him, marrying a woman from another’s man country is an abuse of marriage. Meanwhile, the same man with the same mentality is buying plots of land and building houses for rent and some other businesses. Aside from that, all his 12 children giving birth to one woman was done in the same country and same place he preached against in terms of marriage.
But do you know what? The same people who always chant ‘go to Nigeria and marry an obedient and trustful woman, a woman who would understand you and your culture, their families are scattering every now and then because the only thing in their head is discrimination and destruction.
Unfortunately, some of these people listen to the tribalistic advice of the above-mentioned leader and later traveled home for a Nigerian woman, today as I write, their women were sent back home, the marriage couldn’t stand at all because of the woman’s bad attitude, she couldn’t stay because of their disrespectful attitude. So, now tell me, since Nigeria is the hub of good and trustful women, why didn’t the marriage become a success.
I can give more and more examples of guys who went home and marry. And today, they are regretting making such a move. Ghana is the name of a country just like Nigeria, and in both Nigeria and Ghana or any other country, there are good women and bad women everywhere, we only need God’s direction when it comes to issues of marriage and not tribalism. The people you are afraid to marry are the same people feeding you and your family by way of patronizing your business but yet, what you think you should use to pay them back is discouraging interested bachelors not to marry them, because you do not have the opportunity to do so during your time. So, if you have such a mind, why do go ahead establishing in that same country? Are you not afraid of their properties too? Unfortunately, the fools, excuse my language who should know better are buying into such empty brainless ideology.
Recently, we lost Osinachi a very influential woman when it comes to worshipping God through the gift of singing. It was through the news we heard the husband contributed to her death. That alone tells that marriage is an institution and not about tribalism. The late singer Osinachi and the husband are both Igbos, they are not Ghanaians but the revelation of her death shows that their marriage is not fruitful. In fact, they fight like cats and dogs. My point is very simple, we can marry wherever God proposed, and there is nothing we can do about it when God says ‘YES’.
In this case, we could clearly see that all accounts and testimonies show Osinachi isn’t the bad person here, but the husband who according to Osinachi’s mother came as a ‘pastor’ was the one used by the devil to destroy his marriage and family peace.
So, even you as a man running away from marrying someone from Ghana, you should cheek yourself extremely well because if that opportunity is given, you might be the one to end up causing havoc and not the innocent Ghanaian woman.
Unfortunately, some of these individuals preaching against marrying a Ghanaian woman are seriously making it a prayer point for God’s miracle to provide them with an American or Western woman to marry. Isn’t that excessive ignorance?
Remember, the bible says: He who found a wife, found a good thing. The bible didn’t say, he who found an Igbo, Nigerian or Ghanaian woman found a good thing. No, the bible wasn’t that tribal. In God’s own wisdom, he was very specific.
Or do you also think that God is an Igbo, Nigerian or Ghanaian man when in his own wisdom, he says: What he joins together let no man put asunder?
Unfortunately, these are the truth some of the counselors, pastors, and prophets you trusted so much failed to tell you.
For those of you singles, also battling with such decisions, May these natural words open your eyes to understand the journey you are about start.
Marriage is a blessing not a course.
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